Performance & Butoh

Here I am. One of a thousand stars falling onto a planet called Earth.

I often wonder why I was reborn here, to start everything over again. Why I keep turning, spinning, sinking...

I am constantly falling apart and coming back to life.

There are so many things I long for, and so many desires I carry within me. Maybe this is my last reincarnation before I return home, somewhere out there, in the never-ending process of transforming into light.

What do I love about Earth?

I get to know her through my senses. I feel, touch, taste.

I meet you and myself anew.

And then comes that special moment when she takes me deeper. She reveals her family: plant medicine, animals, bacteria, soil, and those most beloved trees...

Every time she takes me there, deep into the wilderness, it is hard to return. I wish I could plant her in my lungs, in my body, in every sensation. Root her within me, physically and energetically.

Endless sleepless nights. Sadness, pain, but also moments of joy, happiness, and celebration.

Oh yes... she teaches me to follow the path of beauty. She teaches me how to care for myself, how to mature like a fine wine.

But my inner child... ahhh, my inner child is still hungry.

That is why I must keep planting new seeds within myself...

Everything all over again. I turn, spin, sink...

I will plant another seed within myself. A seed of a new beginning.

My tears are my medicine. Sometimes they gently rise to the surface; other times they become a mighty waterfall.

What else do I need?

Sparks of sunshine that slow my pace, help me stop, and ground myself again.

Every day I wake up and look within. I check whether something is growing in me, whether something is beginning to bloom.

But often I cannot see anything...

And then her voice appears:

Do not worry, child. Nothing grows overnight.

Be patient.

Be patient.

Keep watering what you have sown, and enjoy life.

I try to follow that voice.

When was the last time I smiled?

When was the last time I truly laughed?

When was the last time I felt the vibrations coming from deep within me?

Let yourself be free from worry.

When was the last time...?

Time.

Questions I ask myself on this journey called life:

What am I doing here?

With every breath, her voice grows stronger. Her presence becomes clearer and clearer.

She waits patiently in hiding, in a place I have not yet reached.

She waits until I am ready to meet her. To stand before her door and knock.

Cailleach...

You brought back my childhood memories.

When I was a little girl, my grandmother would tell me the story of Baba Yaga over and over. The one who comes to the village to snatch naughty children.

Wild.

I have to admit that every time I heard that story, I felt a strange sense of carefree ease. As if there were nothing to fear.

After all, I was always getting into trouble.

What really tied me to Scotland?

Probably many things.

But I believe one of them is Cailleach.

An excerpt from my performance, which I wrote and combined with another text inspired by the creation of the Earth and the figure of Cailleach.